


Regret & Agony

by Amakai



Category: Acid Black Cherry, Gackt (Musician) - Fandom, Hyde (Musician) - Fandom, L'Arc~en~Ciel, VAMPS (Band), Yasu
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amakai/pseuds/Amakai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm having a shitty evening...I wanted to write angst and it turned into suicide. I'm sorry guys...I really do love the YasuHyde pairing but like I said...shitty mood = sob worthy fanfictions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret & Agony

He’d pushed himself too far. He had gotten too clingy and desperate to belong to him and now…he was gone. His idol was out of his reach because of his own selfishness. He sat alone in the rain, staring at what was now a dead cell phone from the water getting into it. The message that he’d last received was burned into his mind and heart like the fires of hell itself had put them there. 

_‘You’re a monster. I will never love someone like YOU.’_

His chest throbbed painfully and was sure that somewhere in the midst of all the rain, his tears were mixing with it. How selfish had he been? He purposely harmed someone close to his idol just in the hopes that the other would want him more. He had been so stupid. He knew words wouldn’t bring any remorse from the other two men now. He had gone too far and now he’d be lucky if his career wasn’t ruined if they decided to press charges.

Still crying, he pushed himself to his feet, staggering towards his car in a daze. Reaching it, he numbly unlocked the door, pulling it open. He tossed his broken phone into the passenger seat and sat down, the cold air & water finally sinking into his skin. What did he have left now? Not only had he lost his idol, but he’d lost his best friend and now he was bound to lose his career for the stunt he’d pulled.

The car started and he pulled out into the traffic still very lost in his thoughts. His mind was racing with so many thoughts and heart aching with the feelings of loss, sadness, regret and despair. His vision started to blur once more as he parked outside his home. The once welcoming place was now dark and foreboding. It seemed to be taunting him. He knew that the walls were decorated of pictures of his idol. Those eyes that once smiled so happily at him would now show only hatred and disgust.

Yasu pushed his hands over his face, shaking from sobbing and from being chilled to the bone. What had he done? Why had he thought that stupid idea would have made Hyde love him? Gackt had been seriously hurt because of him. He was reckless and now Hyde hated him. He sat there for what seemed like hours, crying into his hands before he managed to find the strength to get out and head inside. He didn’t bother to lock his car. There would be no point now.

He closed the front door behind him, pulled his wet jacket off him, letting it fall to the floor as he walked down the small hallway. His eyes remained focused on the floor, away from the pictures on the walls. He could feel their eyes burning into him. The shame was building higher and higher inside him. Reaching the kitchen, he pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge before heading to the bathroom. Once there, he locked himself in, sinking onto the counter. There he could sit in a little more peace than anywhere else in his house. The bathroom had no pictures of Hyde…no pictures of the smiling face or once smiling eyes. 

Opening the bottle, he took a sip, coughing after swallowing it. He wasn’t much of a drinker but right now he needed it. He turned his head, looking in the mirror at his reflection. Scraggly messy hair, bloodshot eyes, pale skin and a pained expression met him, “…He’s right…I am a monster…” he said softly, his voice cracking, “I don’t deserve him…or anyone.”

Dropping his head, he closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that were starting to come up once again. He let his body shake from the crying, his hand shaking as it clung tightly to the beer bottle in his hand. Before he knew what he was doing, he was standing, pulling open the medicine cabinet and staring into it. He pulled several pill bottles out, dumping them onto the counter. 

In the back of his mind he knew what he was about to do wasn’t right. It wasn’t going to let him escape but if he couldn’t beg for forgiveness and get it, then what was the point in living? Hyde and Gackt would never forgive him. Not ever. 

Before he did anything else, he took the toothpaste and wrote a message on the mirror and tossed the empty tube aside. He then picked up a handful of the various pills, put them in his mouth and swallowed them down with the beer. He could feel his own fear rise at the knowledge that he was going to die but he finished off the pile of pills he’d made for himself with the beer and sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands, tears slipping down his face again. 

“I’m so sorry…Hyde…I’m so sorry…please forgive me…” he choked out as a sharp pain stabbed at his insides. It was agony. It felt like his body was on fire. Every inch of him was convulsing and fighting against each other. And then he fell still. His vision fixed on the door until it went dark and he felt the last breath leave his body. That was it. He was gone. No more haunting eyes staring at him with hatred and disgust; nothing more but silence & darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one had heard from him in days. When Hyde had learned that Yasu seemed to be ignoring everyone, a bad feeling slipped into him. He instantly tried the others phone only for it to go straight to the voicemail. He left the hospital & Gackt’s bedside before taking a cab down to Yasu’s house. The others car was parked out front, doors unlocked and phone abandoned in the passenger seat. 

Heartbeat racing, he moved to the front door, he tried the handle, fear rising when he found it unlocked. Swallowing anxiously, he opened it, calling out the others name as he stepped inside. It was quiet…much too quiet. The house looked abandoned. Yasu’s coat was still on the floor, damp from having been in a crumpled pile. Hyde hesitantly picked it up. It smelled faintly of mold. Monday night…it had been sitting there on the floor for an entire week, damp and abandoned. 

Dropping it, Hyde moved somewhat quickly through the living room, bedroom and kitchen before stopping in the hallway. The bathroom light was on but no sound came from the room. No crying, no movement, nothing; just the sheer sound of silence and the clock ticking in the hallway. 

Quietly and slowly, Hyde walked to it, testing the door handle before knocking, “Yasu? Yasu are you in there? It’s me. It’s Hyde. Please open the door.” He said calmly, trying to keep his voice steady even though it was now laced with worry. There was no response; no sound of movement whatsoever. 

With a few heavy & hard shoves, Hyde forced the door open, his heart dropping at the sight that met his eyes. Pill bottles littered the floor and counter top along with an empty beer bottle. Yasu was curled on the floor, his face looking peaceful as if just only sleeping. One touch to the others hand let Hyde know that Yasu had been dead for many days now. 

“No …Yasu…please no…” Hyde whispered, covering his mouth, staring at the message written on the mirror as tears slipped down his face freely. His friend was gone & deep down he knew it was all because of the text message he had sent in his fury. Hunching over the others dead body, he cried loudly, shaking at the message on the mirror burned it’s words into his mind.

_‘I wish I could take it all back just to be by your side again…Hyde…I’m sorry…I loved you and only you.’_   



End file.
